Overcoming Fear

I'll just go ahead and say it. I'm a big ol' fraidy cat. It's true. I'm also quite an amazing faker when it comes to pretending I'm not that big ol' fraidy cat that I really am. This year, however, I decided to face at least one fear head on. You all know that I've never even bit a little bit athletic. I participated in organized sports when I was young, but I never excelled at any of it and dropped out as soon as things got even a little bit competitive and I became a handicap for the team. I decided that I needed to take on a really big goal for the year, so I decided that I would do a sprint distance triathlon.

The funny thing is that many people (seriously, MANY) have told me it's an easy distance and no big deal. I think the intent of such comments is to assure me that I can do it easily. It sort of has the opposite effect on me though. I just think about how easy so many other athletic things are for other people that always came very hard to me. A little known fact about me is that I'm sure I drove my dad crazy when he was trying to teach me to throw a softball. How on earth could it possibly feel anywhere near natural for me to lead with my right foot as I throw with my right arm? It's a mystery to the athletically inclined. It is my reality.

Anyway, this triathlon is a really big deal for me. I've been in several 5K races, so I thought that might be OK. I've ridden my bike more than 20 miles in one day before, so that can't be so bad. However, the first part of the triathlon is a half-mile swim in Lake Washington. You can't even see the bottom, much less touch the bottom, when you're swimming out there. When I decided to do the triathlon, I hadn't been in a pool for three years. At all. And I was never what you might call a strong swimmer. This was going to be a challenge.

In April, I finally got in the pool. I had four months to figure it out. It didn't go well. I could swim one length of the pool and then needed to rest. I got heart palpitations just thinking of a half-mile open water swim. A half mile is 17.2 laps in the pool! That's more than 38 lengths and I couldn't even must two in a row. The fear grew. Then I talked to my trainer about it and he said I just needed to get in the pool every day. EVERY day. That sounded almost as scary.

My trainer came to the pool with me to give me some pointers and my technique improved. He also worked with me at the gym so my stamina would improve. It took about two months before I could swim 18 laps without really resting, but I got there. Now, I regularly swim 24 laps without resting.

I was invited to go on an open water swim in May, but refused on the grounds that the water would be too cold until after the 4th of July. It sounded like a good reason to me. I realized that waiting wouldn't make it easier though. I did my first open water swim the last weekend in June and I was truly very scared. I was actually worked up about it for the three days leading up to it. Even with all the pool work, I was very concerned about being in the open water and wasn't sure I could do it.

I rented a wet suit and showed up at Seward park to swim to the buoy and back. It's a quarter mile round trip. I'd been swimming twice that distance in the pool, so I shouldn't have had anything to worry about. I still worried about it. Once I was in the water, I had to really work to stay calm. When I started getting too worked up, I would turn onto my back and just float and breath for a moment to calm down, then turn back and continue to swim. After getting to the buoy, I was in a hurry to get back to the shore and get out of the water. My friends laughed that I got back a lot faster than I got out to the buoy. It's interesting how fear motivates.

So, I conquered my first open water swim. It wasn't pretty, but I did it. The funniest part is that no one out there that day had any idea how hard it was for me and how anxious I was in the water. Let's hear it for fakers!

A Letter to my 20-Something Self

Last week, Annzy shared this blog post from Mighty Girl that was simply delightful. I then found out it was part of a project called 20-something self letters that blogger Cassie Boorn started. The call was this:

I am asking your to write a letter to your 20 year old self. Share the things that you questioned at 20 that you no longer questioned. Share your wisdom and advice. Give some guidance to another generation.

So, loving meme's as I do, I thought I should write a letter to my 20-something self on my birthday. And because I like you all, I'll even share it with you.

Dear 20-Something Self,

You are smarter and prettier than you give yourself credit for. You should take chances on things that might not turn out and really quit worrying about what other people think. Your life path won't look like anyone else's, so quit worrying about everyone else. And while you're at it, quit making decisions based on how you think your life might be ten years from now. You could always change paths. It's not as hard as you think it might be. Just go for it. If you want to be an opera singer, quit being a pansy and do it.

You should try to have a little more confidence in yourself. That lack of confidence won't do you any good. If anything, it just holds you back from having a lot of experiences that you might actually enjoy. You really ought to grow your hair out too. It looks better and you like it better. To help with the confidence, you really ought to try working out. That aerobics thing will never be more fun, but there are so many other choices that you could enjoy and would help you avoid health problems down the road. You will also find that you feel better and handle stress better when you try that exercise thing.

And finally, let yourself love more and be loved more. Invest more time in people and you'll be that much happier for it. You might get hurt more, but you will live more vitally and it will be worth it. It's OK to hug more people, tell people you love them, and cry a little more. All of those emotions will make your life fuller, not scarier. And while you're at it, just act crazy every once in a while. Sing karaoke out loud. You'll like it.

Love,
Your older and wiser self

Music Monday -- Muse

My friend Layla over at The Grass is Greener has raved about the band Muse, so I had to find out what all the fuss was about. Their latest album is called The Resistance, so I took a listen. There's a little something in there that reminds me of Queen, so I was immediately hooked. The sound takes me back a bit and I really like it. I'm thinking it might be good workout music. It's perfect for turning up the volume.

I enjoyed the song Uprising, so here it is for your listening pleasure:

Father's Day

1 John 4:18-19 reads: There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
We love him, because he first loved us.

As a young woman, attending church, it was easy for me to understand a loving Father in Heaven and a loving Christ. I was blessed with an example of a loving father that mirrored to me the way my Heavenly Father would love me. Only as an adult have I become fully aware of how lucky I was to have that relationship with my father. I have always loved him easily because I knew he loved me. I always knew I was safe when I was with my father and I knew he was looking out for me.

When I was young, I never remember my father leaving for work without telling my mother that he loved her. We always ate dinner together and my dad was interested in each of us individually, asking us about our day. He was a great example of living the principles that he taught. Even my friends knew my dad was someone we could all count on. As an adult, I realize how lucky I am that I was never afraid to call my dad when I was in a pinch, and even a friend or two turned to my dad.

On this Father's Day, I want my father to know what a great example he is to me and how much I appreciate his love and example. Here's to you, Dad!

Music Monday -- Yeasayer

The DH and I have widely divergent taste in music, but we still find quite a bit that we can both enjoy. A few weeks ago, the DH came across the band Yeasayer that we've both been enjoying. The music takes me back to the late 80's or early 90's but still manages to sound new. The music videos are just plain weird, but great if you like that kind of thing. I prefer to just listen to the music. And, of course, the DH loves the videos.

This song, Ambling Alp, is one of my favorites.

Girrl Power

As a woman with an English degree, I couldn't help but love this.

Big Apple -- Part 3

On day 3, we had reservations for breakfast at Sarahbeth's on Central Park South. The food was divine and we all enjoyed their signature Four Flowers juice. It was a lovely way to start the day.

After breakfast, we walked up 5th avenue to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The exhibits are everything you would imagine them to be, but we had to laugh when we found out that the paintings we most wanted to see were in visual storage. They were renovating that part of the museum, so we got to see everything in cases instead of on the walls.

Day 3 looking at paintings through glass is not quite what we expected

After the museum, we walked across Central Park so we could say we'd been there and seen that. It was also a beautiful day and quite fun to see how the park is every New Yorker's back yard.

Day 3 walking through Central Park

After walking through the park, we went to Cafe Lalo for lunch. It's a restaurant that was in the latest You've Got Mail movie, so that's the recommendation we went on. We discovered once we were seated that it's basically vegetarian, but the real draw was the dessert, not the lunch. We chose three desserts to share amongst us and they were all wonderful. I had to have cannoli and theirs did not disappoint.

After lunch, we got back on the subway and headed North. We went to the Cloisters, a part of the Metropolitan Museum of Art that is dedicated to medieval art and architecture. Whitney was especially interested in seeing the Unicorn in Captivity tapestries. They're more that 500 years old and really magnificent. The room they were in had very low light, so pictures didn't turn out well, but you can trust me that they were worth the trip. We also enjoyed the wonderful architecture and religious art.

Day 3 view of a cloistered garden

Once we finished up at the Cloisters, it was already after 5:00. The day had gone by way too quickly, but we'd had a great time with everything we'd done so far. We decided that Whitney needed to see one last place, so we headed toward Lincoln Center, which is right across the street from the LDS Manhattan temple. We got a few good pictures in and then headed back to the subway.

Day 3 seeing the Manhattan temple

No trip to New York would be complete without some shopping on 5th Avenue, so that was our next stop. It was fascinating to see the elaborate window displays, visit Tiffany's, and go the the huge American Girl store.

Day 3 looking at the window displays on 5th Avenue

By the time we were done shopping, it was starting to get late. We had some authentic New York pizza for dinner and then visited our last tourist attraction of the trip. We took the elevators to the top of the Empire State Building and got to see the city at night. The lights were beautiful and it was really cool to look down on a big roof-top party that was going on not too far away. Of course, none of my pictures taken from there look very good, but the view was spectacular and we enjoyed the time there.

Then we spent one more night in New York, headed for the airport again, and went home. The party was over and it was one to remember.

The Big Apple -- Part 2

On day 2, I got up early so I could run. Little did I know how unnecessary any extra exercise would be by the end of the day. We needed to get a relatively early start because we had a schedule to stick to on day 2. We started with a trip south on the Subway to Battery Park to get to the ferry to go to see the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. Our tickets were for a specific time, so we were in a real hurry. When we got to the ferry area, we saw that there were huge long lines. There was a shorter line for ticket holders, but it still took a good half hour to get through the line, go through security, and get on the ferry. Apparently, the ticket time is not really for a specific sailing. It's just to manage the crowd.

Once we were on the ferry, we headed toward the Statue of Liberty.

Day 2 with Mom, Annzy, and Whitney by the Statue of Liberty

The statue is really beautiful there in the harbor, but we didn't have tickets to go to the top of the statue, so we just took a good look from the ferry and went on to Ellis Island. There, we got off the ferry and went on an audio tour of the main building. It was pretty powerful to see all the photos and think about all the people, many of whom spoke little English, dealing with the lines, delays, and stresses of getting through the processing there. One of my favorite things about the audio tour was that they had little testimonials from people who had actually come through Ellis Island when emigrating. I was also impressed with the displays they had there. Once we got through the displays and tour, we jumped back on the ferry.

Day 2 at the main building on Ellis Island

After getting off the ferry, we went to the financial district to take a tour of the New York Stock Exchange. The day we were there was the day that Express went public, so they had a huge banner on the front of the building and did a fashion show out front. We missed the fashion show, but that's OK. The tour was really interesting. We got to see how everything works on the floor, where the opening/closing bell is, and where all the reporters hang out. We also had a fantastic tour guide from Morgan Stanley who helped us understand the NYSE better and told us some great stories. We also got to see some of the other rooms in the building and hear about their history. Things sure have changed with the digital age!

Day 2 with the huge EXPRESS banner in front of the NYSE (and Whitney in the foreground)

After our tour, we walked over to Trinity Church, a beautiful old church in the heart of a bustling part of town. It has a small cemetery with head stones so old the writing has been worn off by the weather. It was beautiful and serene, so we took an opportunity to rest our weary feet before heading off to a late lunch.

Dan 2 at Trinity Church

Annzy knew of a shop she wanted to go to for lunch, so we headed there only to find out that they were out of just about everything. We left without lunch, but with a box of Macaron cookies to hold us over. Fortunately, there were a dozen choices right on the same block, so we have Mexican food. The best part was the amazing guacamole they brought us. It was some of the best I've had.

Once we finished lunch, we went to China town to see if we could find any amazing bargains. It looked like what was available didn't really suit our tastes as much as we had hoped, so we didn't spend too much time there.

Day 3 shopping for purses and deals in China town

We headed back to the hotel for a little siesta and then got ready to go to Promises! Promises! It's a revival of a 60's Broadway show starring Kristen Chenowith and Sean Hayes. The retro music, sets, and costumes were delightful and we had a wonderful time. After leaving the show, we headed to Times Square. It's just amazing how lively that place is regardless of the time.

Day 3 ending the evening with a walk through Times Square

We enjoyed people watching and shopping and then headed back to the hotel for a good night's rest.

The Big Apple -- Part 1

The middle sister turned 40 this year, so the youngest sister dreamed up the big idea of taking her to New York City for a big birthday blow-out. All of us liked the idea of a trip to New York, so we agreed to a plan and set a date. The birthday was in March, but because you just can't count on the weather then, we decided to go in May instead. Lucky for us, that bet paid off and we had beautiful weather while we were there.

Mom and the sisters met up in Salt Lake and flew to NYC together, but my flight arrived an hour before theirs. The planets conspired against us somehow and zapped all of our cell phone batteries on the trip there. It really was quite a mystery to all of us. We all started with fully charged phones, then got off the plane and had low batteries. ALL of us! It made the meet-up a bit more stressful than it should have been, but we found each other after only about an extra 10 minutes and went to take the train into the city. Annzy took charge of transportation for the trip and got us on the right train and subway to get us to the wonderful hotel she booked. It was a quick ride in (about 45 minutes) and we walked all of about 100 yards to the hotel entrance from the subway exit.

Day 1 waiting for the subway to take us into the city

We checked into our room and realized that it was later than we thought, so we headed out and made our way to Serendipity for dinner. We had yummy dinner and then shared two desserts, including their world famous frozen hot chocolate. Unfortunately, we didn't call 48 hours in advance, so we couldn't get the Golden Opulence Sundae, with the price tag of $1,000.00. So sad for us.

Between the wait for a table and the transit time, it was very late by the time we got back to our hotel, so that was it for our first day in NYC. Of course, the highlight of day one was meeting up with the wonderful women in my family and having a great time with them.

Music Monday -- The National

The National is a new band I've been listening to. I think I like them. I bought the album High Violet and I've enjoyed it so far. The band has gotten great press for this album, which is how I heard about them, and I find the music interesting, but not overpowering. Take a listen. It's pretty good stuff.

Believe It

While traveling last week, I took some time to read Triathlons for Women by Sally Edwards. The book is very well written and an easy read, but I'm not sure it had the intended response from me. The intro to the book specifically states that the goal of the book is to get women motivated and excited about triathlons. I think I got scared. I'm not going to let it get to me, but I didn't feel excited about the triathlon when I put the book down. I really felt a bit mortified.

As hard as I've been training, and as much confidence I have in my ability to finish the event, I still have the huge fear of the unknown. I've talked about signing up for another triathlon five weeks after the one I'm signed up for now, which might sound just crazy coming from someone scared of the one race. My thought process really isn't that crazy though. I've been thinking that the first race will be harder because it will be foreign and new, not because I won't have trained enough and be ready for the swimming, biking, and running. If I were to do the second race, it would be the exact same course and I would have a better idea of what to expect and I think it would be a lot easier. Reading about what to wear and how to transition from one part to the next are the pieces that have me wondering what I've gotten myself into and I know those are the little things.

Yesterday, I swam 18 laps and took small breaks after each two full laps. It was hard, but I could do it. I've made huge progress in the swimming since I started swimming everyday (and had to rest after every length) six weeks ago. Yesterday, I also ran intervals with some at 6mph on the treadmill. My rest on the treadmill is jogging slowly instead of walking now, and that progress has been in the last four months. I'm amazed daily at the progress I have made and the abilities I'm cultivating. I'm also learning that I can do things that I didn't think were possible even six months ago. Most of all, I'm seeing the power of setting a goal and believing in myself. I've had plenty of people tell me I could do something like this, but I'm just now starting to believe it.

Sally Edwards may not have motivated me the way she thought she would, but I'm on my way to being a triathlete.

Overheard

I promise I did not make this up. You may know that I'm swimming daily, which means spending a lot of time at the gym. I show up, strip to my suit, swim several laps, then shower and move on with my day.

Yesterday, while I was showering, I overheard the following:

Brrring, brrring, brrring...
pause and the sound of water running (it was in the showers)
Brrring, brrring, brrring...
another pause and the sound of water running
Brrring, brrring, brrring...
Hello? Hello! I'm in the shower, so I can't talk now. Can I call you back in half an hour?
pause...
Where are you? Oh, really? You have the day off? Well...

And then the conversation continued for about three minutes.

Who answers the phone when they're showering? I mean, really? It's not like you could get to an emergency from the shower any faster than if you heard about it when you got out. You'd still have to dry off and get dressed.

I know I have issues with disconnecting from technology, but that was even worse than I could imagine.

Catching Some Hapiness

My good friend Layla over at The Grass is Greener is doing something fun for her birthday. She maintains that Happiness is Contagious and I think she may be onto something there. She asked everyone who reads her blog to send her a Happy List. I didn't want to limit the viewing of my Happy List to her readership, so I'm putting it here on my blog. It's all good stuff.

Happy List:

• cool breezes on a warm day
• feeling really strong
• the last few minutes of the day lying in bed with the DH and talking (or listening to him snore)
• clean sheets on the bed, especially when they're just a little warm from the dryer
• chocolate
• fresh cut flowers for no reason
• watching antiques roadshow with the DH
• sleeping in
• road trips
  
• lavender
  
• vanilla ice cream
• no socks
• trips to boise
• new clothes (especially when I have to buy a size smaller than I thought)
• cute squishy babies
• purses
• going out to dinner
• clean house
• shoes
• teaching the youth sunday school class
• singing, especially to oldies in the car with the DH
• long hot shower after a killer workout
• reading great blog posts

Thanks, Layla, for suggesting the Happy List. It made me happy thinking of all these things.

Random Thoughts

This morning, on the way to work, the song "Life's Been Good to Me So Far" by Joe Walsh came on the radio. It's one of those songs that just feels like it's always been around. The thing it made me think of was taking baths as a little kid. There's a part in the song that sounds just like the drain in the bathtub would when I put my head under the water. I'm not sure why, but hearing that just made me smile on my drive.

Star Wars Day

May the 4th be with you! I'm just enough of a geek to care that it's Star Wars day. Click here to see the DH and me starring in our own Star Wars movie.

Swimming for Fun and Profit

Today is Thursday. I started "swimming every day" on Monday, so I've gone four days straight now. You may wonder why in the world I would do this (or maybe I just think that because several people have asked). Here are the reasons that I shouldn't do this:

1. I'm really not a huge fan of swimming. It's tiresome and hard.
2. I hate wearing a swimsuit (and who doesn't, really?).
3. I hate how the chlorinated pool dries out the skin and does a number on the hair color.
4. I haven't had to swim since I was twelve and that was under duress.
5. I don't like to get up any earlier in the morning that absolutely necessary.
   

Even though it's counter-intuitive, I'm still taking on the challenge. In August, I'm going to participate in the Danskin Triathlon. The first leg of the race is a half mile swim in Lake Washington. The water will be cold, there will be no bottom of the pool, and I will be swimming with 100 of my closest friends splashing around me. This is more than a little intimidating to me.

Last week, I raised my concerns with my trainer. I'm worried that even though I've been swimming "regularly" that it's not enough to be ready for the half mile in August. My trainer is super supportive and very practical. He was a competitive swimmer in college and is very familiar with what it takes to do a half mile swim. He also knows my capabilities right now and he wants me to be confident when the big race comes. He knew I wouldn't savor the idea, but told me the best way to be ready would be to swim every day. It doesn't matter how long, how far, or anything else. Just be in the water every day.

So, this is why I am swimming every day:

1. I want to be comfortable swimming with splashing around me and with someone in the same lane.
2. I want to not think about my breathing because it's second nature.
3. I want to feel strong and not ever have to touch the bottom of the pool.
4. I want to be able to swim 18 laps without stopping, and have it feel easy.
5. I want to avoid freaking out because I got water in my mouth or nose.

All of those things will happen if I'm in the pool every day. I'm still deciding if Sunday counts as a day. Even an "every day" swimmer may need a day of rest.

Music Monday -- She & Him

Thanks, Amazon, for introducing me to the duo She & Him. The group is made up of Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward. You may have seen Zooey in (500) Days of Summer or Bridge to Terabithia. She's also on Cisco and Cotton commercials, so I'm sure you've seen her around. I don't know anything about M. Ward other than apparently he met Zooey when they needed to record something for a movie they were both a part of.

I purchased Volume 2 and hope to enjoy it all summer. The music is a little retro, not folk or country but with a bit of a folk sound to Zooey's voice. The music itself is totally modern and fun and just the type of music you'd listen to in the car on a sunny day with the window rolled down.

The song below is "In the Sun" from their second album:

It's About Time

It was just about two years ago that Annzy delivered the amazing Drunk Love quilt. Last week, I started the binding. It's the one task that Annzy left for me. The DH and I have had the quilt on our bed for these past two years without the binding being done, so it really is about time I did it. I'm at least a 20th of the way done. I'm sure I'll be done before the end of the year.

Update: I hung out with lovely women this evening and sewed the entire time. I'm about a quarter of the way done with the binding.

I Had NO Idea!

Apparently there's a trend on this interweb thingy that includes Legos and music. I had NO idea such a thing existed until I read about it on Mashable. Who knew I could be so behind on such a trend? Well, I'm trying to catch up. And, because I'm such a giver, I'll help you catch up as well. First, by making sure you know about the trend, and second by letting you watch this very cool Lego ABBA music video.

Your Life is Awesome!

I just found this blog called 1000 Awesome Things and I think I love it. Reading the top 1000 awesome things made me think, laugh, maybe even cry a little. But mostly, it just reminded me that life is pretty awesome most of the time. And I don't mean that in the "totally rad and really awesome" overly stated kind of way. I mean that life inspires awe in me regularly. I'm in awe at how Ichiro can hit a tiny ball into the stands. I'm in awe of the generosity of a birth mother giving her child up for adoption so my friend can have the kids she desperately wants, but can't have on her own. I'm in awe of the sunrise that I saw this morning. I'm in awe of the love that I can feel for my husband that I didn't even know I had in me and has grown immensely since we married almost five years ago. I'm in awe of how smart the crazy raccoons in the city are.